If that's not Las Vegas behind us, I'm short in stature.

Okay, okay. We went. Again.

And I probably didn't tell you, and I'll probably catch a lot of heat for that, but that's okay. The first time you get to take a semi-secret rendezvous, you'll understand why I did it.

Not to say thinking of my friends when I travel is a burden, but thinking of them when I've got less than two days to muscle in the entire northern half of the Las Vegas strip, a fancy french dinner, a musical, the Bellagio's famous conservatory, a 4 AM trip to down town, the forum shops, a stroll through Mandalay's shark reef, and more black jack than I can handle is.

I just wanted a weekend with no phone calls. No distractions. And, with very few exceptions that I chose to make, that is exactly what I got. And I have the blisters on my feet to prove all the pavement I pounded in 43 hours.

The trip was full of experiences, both good and bad. At first I thought it sucked that we were going to Las Vegas. With the exception of New Hampshire (which should really be considered visiting family), you all know I prefer to visit NEW places. But after being home for a day with quiet time to think about things, it was much more full of positive experiences than negatives. That being said, I don't think Las Vegas is a city I intend to frequent. I know this was my second time in less than a year, but that's not really that often.

I think going away together was not the logical next step for JM and I. But if we play by the rules of logicality, things would never happen between he and I. So, like that very first time we interacted when I asked to borrow his Mike Jones CD, I'm glad I took this plunge. Actually, if we're being honest here, my feelings toward the trip fluctuated between the time I booked my flights and the time I got to JM's house on Friday. I want to go. I don't. I want to go. I don't. I realize now I didn't want to go because such a large portion of my brain functions based on logic and as I've already pointed out, there was no logic me going on this trip.

I don't like Vegas. For what it is -- for the money you can easily spend there, I don't think any of it is worth it. Twenty seven dollars for half a triple decker turkey club and a Bahama Mama (albeit from an incredibly cute Spanish bartender)? At the time you think, "oh it's worth it, I'm in Vegas." But when it's all said and done, it's still only a half a triple decker turkey club and a Bahama Mama -- even if the bartender is tall, tan and tattooed.

Back to the story. I don't think it was the logical step for JM and I. There were moments on this trip that made me question great, large parts of the last two years or so of my life. Not for nothing though, the inquisitions all ended positively.

I think sometimes it takes putting yourself in a highly variable situation in order to realize what a person is potentially capable of. This can go both greatly positive and horrendously negative. But discovering what each of us is capable of doing, dedicating, giving, and tolerating (to and from one another) is definitely enough reason to be glad we went. And actually, our destination choice has a great deal to with how much we discovered about each other.

I'm sure this is the case for most relationships, but nothing has ever come easy for JM and I. We have unusual individual situations -- ones that would normally disable two people from ever even meeting, much less sustaining any amount of relationship for three years. When I consider that, I actually think we're making decent progress.

JM had every intention of quitting the Patriot Press just before I started, but circumstances required he return for one more semester. And the only reason I took the class at all was with the hope of one day being in a predominantly photography based position on staff. I may have made Photography Editor, but that pales in comparison to the love I found with JM.

I don't believe in coincidence. It's my theory (and hopefully his too) that we were supposed to meet in that class; our meeting was the intention of fate. And so I don't believe that any amount of misunderstandings or disagreements between JM and I are worth so easily disregarding a cosmic entity as powerful and omniscient as fate.

I don't really know how to stop writing about such a all-encompassing piece of who I am -- and that is just what JM has become. He is someone who's helped identify me. But not only that, he fills a void. He might possess qualities I'll never understand, but he also understands the qualities in me which he will never possess.

We're in a good place right now -- a really good place. And I think that's where I'll end this.


peace/alison