Things have been really difficult, emotionally taxing, for me today. This is the first chance I've had to write it all out in length, so I suppose I'll do just that. I'm hoping if I actually acknowledge all the emotionally weighty things on my mind, some of that weight will be lifted, or transfered to paper/interwebz.
I suppose, for ease of comprehension, I'll go in chronological order.
1. My beautiful ONF.
My dad was reading the paper a couple weeks back and read one headline in particular that left me irritated beyond words.
To celebrate the Ocala National Forest's 100th year, we (and I use this term loosely, as I am in no way affiliated with this plan) intend to plow down 45 MORE (added to the already existing 140 miles) miles of trees and vegetation for the entertainment and satisfaction of rednecks and city slickers alike; all of whom find joy in speeding through habitats and damaging the fragile yet thriving National Forest -- not to mention, these people are littering, disrespectful assholes.
People are objecting to the proposed fees for using the trails. But here's an idea -- don't plow the trails, then you won't have the urge to go. Freaking A. My argument is, if they're going to clear 45 more miles worth of trails, they should charge an admission fee and use the money from that fee to pay moderators to keep people in line, on the trails, and without trace. Nothing not naturally found in the forest, should ever be left in the forest. It's as simple as that.
Because, at this point, I don't have the time to go into supreme detail on each subject, here are a couple links:
Opinion
Article
More
2. Recession or just perception?
About a week or so ago, I read an opinion in the Gainesville Sun that says America is not in a recession, but rather, we're merely sheep who allow the media to tell us what to think. Funny thing is, I do believe Americans rely too much on media to tell how the world is (but other than global travel, which, as the price of gas, is out of the question, what other options do we have anymore?) fairing.
But this man/woman said that America was in no way in a recession at this point.
Der.....
I wish I could find the original 'sound-off', but it wouldn't matter. It still chaps my ass. This dude (I'm not doing that him/her thing anymore, I'm just referring to person as 'dude') is way narrow-minded and, no offense to my republican friends, most likely a staunch -- and WEALTHY -- republican. yuck.
How dare some dude tell me that I'm not in a recession, when according to my definition and my good buddy Webster's definition, a recession is a period of reduced economic activity. So, piss off dude. We ARE in a recession.
And personally, the media didn't have to tell me the definition in order for me to understand what's happen. Prices are going up, purchasing is going down, jobs are being lost, entire industries are drying up... if that doesn't reek of recession, I don't know what does.
So, while in many cases, I might agree with what the dude said about people being bottle-fed the news and told what to think by the media conglomerates, this is not one of those cases.
Face it people, we ARE in a recession and there's no two ways around that.
3. Jasper Stratocaster.
Recall, I wrote about Jasper not being well? Days ago, with intentions of driving to Orlando to see my Grandma, I woke to find Jasper struggling to move, to breath ... to live. I did what I could to bring his sugar up, waiting until I felt he was in better condition, and I left.
Mind you, at this point my Grandma is in a terrible state herself -- not expected to live through the week, they'd predict.
When I returned home from a very spirit-bruising trip to my Grandma's nursing home, Jasper was in worse shape. He couldn't open his mouth, barely his eyes, he couldn't ingest the medicine he needed, he couldn't help but collapse when I put him on the floor, and he was in noticeable, chronic abdominal pain.
Even though it shattered me to think it, I knew if by dawn, he hadn't passed away, I would be taking him to the vet to be euthanized.
At nearly 2 A.M., after sitting up with him, holding him, making him feel safe and as comfortable as possible, I put him in his hammock with Charley, tucked him in, kissed him good night and went to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I prayed he'd passed away, because him passing away in his sleep, in his bed, would be much, much easier for me.
He hadn't. And by lunch time, Mom, Susan and myself were driving him to the vet in Ocala. I'd never done this before. I'd never surrendered the life of one of the pets I consider my children. We all cried. A lot. I can't accurately guess how many tears I shed over him. But knowing I was stopping his pain is the only thing that got me through this.
Because, while I might not have Jasper to love on and laugh with, to play with and be entertained by, I know what I did was both best for him and for me. He was suffering, and that was breaking my heart.
And now I come home each day, and I look at Charley ... she's alone for the first time in her entire life and I'm pretty certain she doesn't understand. I've stayed as close to her as possible since he's been gone because I don't want her to feel abandoned. She hasn't been, and she shouldn't feel that way.
She and I both miss him every day. He's got a shady spot in the yard, just next door to Rosey, Chopper, TC, and a fish or two. But no amount of visiting that spot will make me feel closer to him. As I've gotten older, I realize that a grave is two things: 1. a physical dumping ground for human remains and 2. a physical location, a concrete, permanent piece of earth for which mourners can grieve with obvious reason.
Jasper isn't there. And being there doesn't make me closer to him. And knowing that is an incredibly hard reality to swallow. God, I miss him.
4. Grandma.
The world lost an amazing woman recently and I'm not very stable when it comes to talking about it, so this will be quick.
I read some place that death is nothing at all. Not the beginning, not the end, not even a chapter. Death does not exist -- that's what I read. It's just a mere change of form.
It's the collaborative skills of the brain and the heart that encourages the death of something or someone to be so painful to those who outlive it or them. It's the developed attachment we allow that enables the pain to be so deeply felt when we cease to have the option to grab hold the hand of the one we love.
And I'm thankful to have found the ability to not not feel the sorrow of losing my grandmother, but to not let it control my every breath.
I miss my grandma more than words. And I can't even begin to express the pain I felt when I was holding my dad's hand while we both cried. But I don't cry because my grandma died, because her death brought her peace. And more than my own happiness, I wanted my grandma to be in peace.
I cry because her death is sorrowful to me and the people I love that still walk this earth. In some slightly off-kilter fashion, I feel better now that she's passed because finally she may rest.
Her funeral was intimate -- mainly family and close friends. Susan and I made a memorial photograph board of all kinds of amazing pictures of her. Pictures from her childhood, pictures from every stage of her life, with all of her grandkids and great grandkids. My grandma lived a blessed and bountiful life. She was a ahead of her time in so many facets. She was a creative soul who passed that down to her children, her grand children and her great grandchildren. She was surrounded by family who loved her and, even in here last days, had the company of a man who would give her the world and inspire her imagination.
Stanley was, I guess what you would call, my Grandma's boyfriend. He loved her and they made plans to cruise to Alaska, and go to Washington state and see his family. He gave her presents and spent all his time with her. When she fell ill, Stanley stayed by her bedside until the nurses forced him to leave for meals. All I can do is pray that when I'm her age, I still know what it feels like to be young in love.
She will always be loved and deeply be missed by all those who knew her. What a wonderful woman.
5. Central Florida Wildfires.
Soooo... Central Florida is on fire ... as in, ablaze, right now. Not that you didn't know that already probably. But did you know it really wasn't all that far from my home?
The scary part is that they believe most of these fires were caused by arson. So, while the embers can and do travel in the air and spark more fires, the fact that they're arson fires only means they're more mobile. An arsonist can just drive away and start a new fire elsewhere.
When it comes to situations like these, neighbors have to but their faith in each other. They put faith in each other to keep a look out for poor judgment, like campfires and bonfires, conspicuous behavior like lurking, prowling and acting haphazardly, and hot spot outbreaks. It's strong neighborhoods that bond together that keep crime (of any kind) to a minimum.
Now, as far as fires go, once they're burning, unfortunately, especially in our current conditions, it's hard to control them, let alone stop them. All we can do now is pray all the arsonists get caught and that the rain gods get an itch for generosity.
6. Sichuan, China, the massive earthquake, and VV.
I have a penpal named Veronica (she's Chinese) and she lives in Guangzhou (which, as I have found out, is about 700 miles from Sichuan). When I heard about the earthquake, I immediately emailed her and asked her to write me as soon as she could, even if it was just a really quick note saying she was okay. A day later, after checking my inbox about 200 times, I finally received a message back from her. She is fine, but things are not. And she didn't have time to write much, so now I wait.
Please pray for her, her family, and everyone in China and affected by the earthquake.
Looks like we've got a lot of praying to do lately.
7. The gym, the park, my weight, Detra and Nhyya.
I've started going to the park with Detra and Nhyya one day a week to supplement going to the gym. Thing is, with all this stuff going on with my life lately, I haven't been at the gym for any substantial workouts in forever. I truly miss it. And my body does. And I've gained weight.
I haven't technically weighed myself, but I just know I have because I haven't been eating right. It just sucks. I guess I'm not pushing myself hard enough yet. But I can't not push myself anymore... I've had this membership for five months and haven't gone down a clothing size yet. I HATE THIS. It's depressing.
I keep thinking I'm going to throw myself into a work out routine that's incredible and ass-whipping, but I never do. On my drive home from work, I think about how I could run on the treadmill when I get home or go for a walk or do 100 sit ups, and I don't. I never do. I'm lousy and it's depressing, YET I still do nothing about it.
Maybe if I keep posting blogs with scales on them, I'll get the hint...
8. Friends that have stepped up in my life as of late.
JM -- I don't even know where to start, but I know one thing's for certain -- no matter what condition I'm in, what life I'm leading, or who I might be leading it with, I will always, undoubtedly and inexplicably Love Jon-Michael. And that fact resurfaced when he told me he was going to be by my side for one of the most emotionally difficult days of my life. And not only was he by my side, supporting me, but he volunteered to do something I couldn't even fathom asking him to do.
A friend of mine wrote to me a very long time ago that relationships are not always happy --- sometimes there are arguments and sometimes there are times when you want to walk away. But Love, real love, brings you back time and time again. She said that real Love is something that enables you to work your way through anything together, even if it means you have to take a step or two away from each other before you can work it out or in order to work it out. She told me the hurdles will hurt and seem plotted or intentional, but all the hurdles in the world are no obstacle for real Love and it will conquer all. Then she said things hurt worse when you're in real Love because you're much more sensitive and much more dedicated to a person. She said I would know it was real Love.
Not that I didn't know it somewhere in my soul already, but having JM with me through Friday night and Saturday enabled me to know all over again that what we have is real Love. And real love will outlast anything.
... I wonder if he reads this.
Detra -- Detra and Nhyya, actually. You know how sometimes you can be really great friends with someone and just sort of be distant from them at the same time? Detra and I were like that after high school. In high school, it seems like we were damn near inseparable, but once in college, we sort of found our own niches. But JOU2100 brought us back together in August of 2005. Had it not been for that class, she and I would probably still have that sort here and there friendship. And even more recently, Detra's become the mom to a beautiful and intelligent baby girl, Nhyya. And that has brought us even closer together. I love being around them. Nhyya is just like Detra; I see that more and more each time I'm with them.
I've always considered Detra one of my best friends, just because she's been there any time I needed her. But at the same time, she's one of those friends who is grossly underrated. And now that we've been spending more time together, we've bonded better. We're closer than ever. And each day, more and more, I consider her family. Her and Nhyya. I'd do anything for those two.
I remember the first time I was with the two of them, we went to Toys R Us. Detra had walked away and left me with Nhyya (who was a mere few weeks old) and she suddenly turned red and started crying. It took everything in me to not start crying myself! I thought she was choking on something ... Detra walked back over, saw the terrified look on my face and said, 'calm down, she just pooping.'
Jonesy -- Jonesy didn't exactly step up, as far as lately goes, he's almost always sort of been up. Okay, not that I'm saying he can do no wrong, but it really does seem like when I need certain words, he has them. And it always seems that when I need his friendship or his wise old opinion, he knows it without me asking (which doesn't help me to vocalize what I want ... which is a problem of mine ). But the fact that I don't have to ask him ... the fact that he knows, even from 2000+ miles away, that I need some support is some kind of amazing.
Our friendship is crazy and rollercoaster-esque, but it's everything I need from him to know that, no matter the distance between us, somehow we're always going to be connected.
When I told him my family thought I could be a pallbearer, his immediate response was, 'that's an incredible honor.' When I told him I was afraid it would be entirely too emotional for me, he reminded me how strong I was and how strong I would have to be for my Dad's sake. It never crossed his mind that I couldn't do it (or wouldn't because I am a woman), and his unfaltering belief is what finally made me overcome my emotions and do it (along with my brother and sister).
He just supports -- unwaivering, without question, without doubt, fully flushed with faith, and by my side 100% -- he just supports me, all the time, through any decision.
Leslie -- Leslie and I had dinner last night at Harry's Downtown. It was delicious and we discussed the many facets of our busy artist lives over fresh Mahi with seasoned vegetables and a New Orleans flare. Leslie has applied for an internship with National Geographic, and has heard many positive things from the woman she would be interning with, but hasn't gotten a confirmed 'yes' yet. We're keeping our fingers crossed and her name in our prayers. Everything always comes together, though, it's just a matter of time. I just miss our good-quality, artistic times -- like ceramics. ooooOOOooh aaaAAAaaaahhhhh.
9. Pet peeves and unidentified friends that have stepped ... down.
I have this friend who is being a total flake right now and I don't know what to do about it. I guess nothing. It's just they happen to be one of my good friends and I think it's shitty and terribly discourteous to treat your friends the way this person is treated his/her friends (especially me, considered what I went through when I had a new boyfriend in order to intertwine my friends and the boyfriend's friends so that I could spend time with everyone). BOO THAT. I hate having to be vague, but I'm hoping that without specifying a name or even a sex, this friend of mine will have enough conscience that they'll feel guilty and know I'm talking about him/her. Basically this person is so infatuated, he/she is ignoring some of their closest friends and that, my friends, is super-shittastic, if you ask me. Frick, now I'm upset. Let's talk about something else.
10. Summer Plans.
Ah yes, it's summer time! And boy have I got plans.
Here are some of the things I want to experience this summer:
1. Busch Gardens (x ∞)
2. The beach one weekend, maybe more depending on the heat.
3. Ravine Gardens with my doggies.
4. Ravine Gardens with my bikes.
5. The Kickstand for an Art Show on May 30th
6. Horseback riding.
7. Saint Augustine or Cedar Key, or both.
8. Pensacola (solo) to spend time with Patrick and Trevor.
9. June 19th, Ska show, HOB.
10. Other various concerts.
11. Mudding with Gary as soon as we get rain.
12. Other adventures with Gary, like spelunking and canoing and traipsing through the forest.
13. The weekend of July 12 is SI's 4th of July celebration and I want to go incredibly bad...
I suppose, for ease of comprehension, I'll go in chronological order.
1. My beautiful ONF.
My dad was reading the paper a couple weeks back and read one headline in particular that left me irritated beyond words.To celebrate the Ocala National Forest's 100th year, we (and I use this term loosely, as I am in no way affiliated with this plan) intend to plow down 45 MORE (added to the already existing 140 miles) miles of trees and vegetation for the entertainment and satisfaction of rednecks and city slickers alike; all of whom find joy in speeding through habitats and damaging the fragile yet thriving National Forest -- not to mention, these people are littering, disrespectful assholes.
People are objecting to the proposed fees for using the trails. But here's an idea -- don't plow the trails, then you won't have the urge to go. Freaking A. My argument is, if they're going to clear 45 more miles worth of trails, they should charge an admission fee and use the money from that fee to pay moderators to keep people in line, on the trails, and without trace. Nothing not naturally found in the forest, should ever be left in the forest. It's as simple as that.
Because, at this point, I don't have the time to go into supreme detail on each subject, here are a couple links:
Opinion
Article
More
2. Recession or just perception?
About a week or so ago, I read an opinion in the Gainesville Sun that says America is not in a recession, but rather, we're merely sheep who allow the media to tell us what to think. Funny thing is, I do believe Americans rely too much on media to tell how the world is (but other than global travel, which, as the price of gas, is out of the question, what other options do we have anymore?) fairing.
But this man/woman said that America was in no way in a recession at this point.
Der.....
I wish I could find the original 'sound-off', but it wouldn't matter. It still chaps my ass. This dude (I'm not doing that him/her thing anymore, I'm just referring to person as 'dude') is way narrow-minded and, no offense to my republican friends, most likely a staunch -- and WEALTHY -- republican. yuck.
How dare some dude tell me that I'm not in a recession, when according to my definition and my good buddy Webster's definition, a recession is a period of reduced economic activity. So, piss off dude. We ARE in a recession.
And personally, the media didn't have to tell me the definition in order for me to understand what's happen. Prices are going up, purchasing is going down, jobs are being lost, entire industries are drying up... if that doesn't reek of recession, I don't know what does.
So, while in many cases, I might agree with what the dude said about people being bottle-fed the news and told what to think by the media conglomerates, this is not one of those cases.
Face it people, we ARE in a recession and there's no two ways around that.
3. Jasper Stratocaster.
Recall, I wrote about Jasper not being well? Days ago, with intentions of driving to Orlando to see my Grandma, I woke to find Jasper struggling to move, to breath ... to live. I did what I could to bring his sugar up, waiting until I felt he was in better condition, and I left.
Mind you, at this point my Grandma is in a terrible state herself -- not expected to live through the week, they'd predict.
When I returned home from a very spirit-bruising trip to my Grandma's nursing home, Jasper was in worse shape. He couldn't open his mouth, barely his eyes, he couldn't ingest the medicine he needed, he couldn't help but collapse when I put him on the floor, and he was in noticeable, chronic abdominal pain.
Even though it shattered me to think it, I knew if by dawn, he hadn't passed away, I would be taking him to the vet to be euthanized.
At nearly 2 A.M., after sitting up with him, holding him, making him feel safe and as comfortable as possible, I put him in his hammock with Charley, tucked him in, kissed him good night and went to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I prayed he'd passed away, because him passing away in his sleep, in his bed, would be much, much easier for me.
He hadn't. And by lunch time, Mom, Susan and myself were driving him to the vet in Ocala. I'd never done this before. I'd never surrendered the life of one of the pets I consider my children. We all cried. A lot. I can't accurately guess how many tears I shed over him. But knowing I was stopping his pain is the only thing that got me through this.
Because, while I might not have Jasper to love on and laugh with, to play with and be entertained by, I know what I did was both best for him and for me. He was suffering, and that was breaking my heart.
And now I come home each day, and I look at Charley ... she's alone for the first time in her entire life and I'm pretty certain she doesn't understand. I've stayed as close to her as possible since he's been gone because I don't want her to feel abandoned. She hasn't been, and she shouldn't feel that way.
She and I both miss him every day. He's got a shady spot in the yard, just next door to Rosey, Chopper, TC, and a fish or two. But no amount of visiting that spot will make me feel closer to him. As I've gotten older, I realize that a grave is two things: 1. a physical dumping ground for human remains and 2. a physical location, a concrete, permanent piece of earth for which mourners can grieve with obvious reason.
Jasper isn't there. And being there doesn't make me closer to him. And knowing that is an incredibly hard reality to swallow. God, I miss him.
4. Grandma.
The world lost an amazing woman recently and I'm not very stable when it comes to talking about it, so this will be quick.
I read some place that death is nothing at all. Not the beginning, not the end, not even a chapter. Death does not exist -- that's what I read. It's just a mere change of form.
It's the collaborative skills of the brain and the heart that encourages the death of something or someone to be so painful to those who outlive it or them. It's the developed attachment we allow that enables the pain to be so deeply felt when we cease to have the option to grab hold the hand of the one we love.
And I'm thankful to have found the ability to not not feel the sorrow of losing my grandmother, but to not let it control my every breath.
I miss my grandma more than words. And I can't even begin to express the pain I felt when I was holding my dad's hand while we both cried. But I don't cry because my grandma died, because her death brought her peace. And more than my own happiness, I wanted my grandma to be in peace.
I cry because her death is sorrowful to me and the people I love that still walk this earth. In some slightly off-kilter fashion, I feel better now that she's passed because finally she may rest.
Her funeral was intimate -- mainly family and close friends. Susan and I made a memorial photograph board of all kinds of amazing pictures of her. Pictures from her childhood, pictures from every stage of her life, with all of her grandkids and great grandkids. My grandma lived a blessed and bountiful life. She was a ahead of her time in so many facets. She was a creative soul who passed that down to her children, her grand children and her great grandchildren. She was surrounded by family who loved her and, even in here last days, had the company of a man who would give her the world and inspire her imagination.
Stanley was, I guess what you would call, my Grandma's boyfriend. He loved her and they made plans to cruise to Alaska, and go to Washington state and see his family. He gave her presents and spent all his time with her. When she fell ill, Stanley stayed by her bedside until the nurses forced him to leave for meals. All I can do is pray that when I'm her age, I still know what it feels like to be young in love.
She will always be loved and deeply be missed by all those who knew her. What a wonderful woman.
5. Central Florida Wildfires.
Soooo... Central Florida is on fire ... as in, ablaze, right now. Not that you didn't know that already probably. But did you know it really wasn't all that far from my home?
The scary part is that they believe most of these fires were caused by arson. So, while the embers can and do travel in the air and spark more fires, the fact that they're arson fires only means they're more mobile. An arsonist can just drive away and start a new fire elsewhere.
When it comes to situations like these, neighbors have to but their faith in each other. They put faith in each other to keep a look out for poor judgment, like campfires and bonfires, conspicuous behavior like lurking, prowling and acting haphazardly, and hot spot outbreaks. It's strong neighborhoods that bond together that keep crime (of any kind) to a minimum.
Now, as far as fires go, once they're burning, unfortunately, especially in our current conditions, it's hard to control them, let alone stop them. All we can do now is pray all the arsonists get caught and that the rain gods get an itch for generosity.
6. Sichuan, China, the massive earthquake, and VV.
I have a penpal named Veronica (she's Chinese) and she lives in Guangzhou (which, as I have found out, is about 700 miles from Sichuan). When I heard about the earthquake, I immediately emailed her and asked her to write me as soon as she could, even if it was just a really quick note saying she was okay. A day later, after checking my inbox about 200 times, I finally received a message back from her. She is fine, but things are not. And she didn't have time to write much, so now I wait.
Please pray for her, her family, and everyone in China and affected by the earthquake.
Looks like we've got a lot of praying to do lately.
7. The gym, the park, my weight, Detra and Nhyya.
I've started going to the park with Detra and Nhyya one day a week to supplement going to the gym. Thing is, with all this stuff going on with my life lately, I haven't been at the gym for any substantial workouts in forever. I truly miss it. And my body does. And I've gained weight.
I haven't technically weighed myself, but I just know I have because I haven't been eating right. It just sucks. I guess I'm not pushing myself hard enough yet. But I can't not push myself anymore... I've had this membership for five months and haven't gone down a clothing size yet. I HATE THIS. It's depressing.
I keep thinking I'm going to throw myself into a work out routine that's incredible and ass-whipping, but I never do. On my drive home from work, I think about how I could run on the treadmill when I get home or go for a walk or do 100 sit ups, and I don't. I never do. I'm lousy and it's depressing, YET I still do nothing about it.
Maybe if I keep posting blogs with scales on them, I'll get the hint...
8. Friends that have stepped up in my life as of late.
JM -- I don't even know where to start, but I know one thing's for certain -- no matter what condition I'm in, what life I'm leading, or who I might be leading it with, I will always, undoubtedly and inexplicably Love Jon-Michael. And that fact resurfaced when he told me he was going to be by my side for one of the most emotionally difficult days of my life. And not only was he by my side, supporting me, but he volunteered to do something I couldn't even fathom asking him to do.
A friend of mine wrote to me a very long time ago that relationships are not always happy --- sometimes there are arguments and sometimes there are times when you want to walk away. But Love, real love, brings you back time and time again. She said that real Love is something that enables you to work your way through anything together, even if it means you have to take a step or two away from each other before you can work it out or in order to work it out. She told me the hurdles will hurt and seem plotted or intentional, but all the hurdles in the world are no obstacle for real Love and it will conquer all. Then she said things hurt worse when you're in real Love because you're much more sensitive and much more dedicated to a person. She said I would know it was real Love.
Not that I didn't know it somewhere in my soul already, but having JM with me through Friday night and Saturday enabled me to know all over again that what we have is real Love. And real love will outlast anything.
... I wonder if he reads this.
Detra -- Detra and Nhyya, actually. You know how sometimes you can be really great friends with someone and just sort of be distant from them at the same time? Detra and I were like that after high school. In high school, it seems like we were damn near inseparable, but once in college, we sort of found our own niches. But JOU2100 brought us back together in August of 2005. Had it not been for that class, she and I would probably still have that sort here and there friendship. And even more recently, Detra's become the mom to a beautiful and intelligent baby girl, Nhyya. And that has brought us even closer together. I love being around them. Nhyya is just like Detra; I see that more and more each time I'm with them.
I've always considered Detra one of my best friends, just because she's been there any time I needed her. But at the same time, she's one of those friends who is grossly underrated. And now that we've been spending more time together, we've bonded better. We're closer than ever. And each day, more and more, I consider her family. Her and Nhyya. I'd do anything for those two.
I remember the first time I was with the two of them, we went to Toys R Us. Detra had walked away and left me with Nhyya (who was a mere few weeks old) and she suddenly turned red and started crying. It took everything in me to not start crying myself! I thought she was choking on something ... Detra walked back over, saw the terrified look on my face and said, 'calm down, she just pooping.'
Jonesy -- Jonesy didn't exactly step up, as far as lately goes, he's almost always sort of been up. Okay, not that I'm saying he can do no wrong, but it really does seem like when I need certain words, he has them. And it always seems that when I need his friendship or his wise old opinion, he knows it without me asking (which doesn't help me to vocalize what I want ... which is a problem of mine ). But the fact that I don't have to ask him ... the fact that he knows, even from 2000+ miles away, that I need some support is some kind of amazing.
Our friendship is crazy and rollercoaster-esque, but it's everything I need from him to know that, no matter the distance between us, somehow we're always going to be connected.
When I told him my family thought I could be a pallbearer, his immediate response was, 'that's an incredible honor.' When I told him I was afraid it would be entirely too emotional for me, he reminded me how strong I was and how strong I would have to be for my Dad's sake. It never crossed his mind that I couldn't do it (or wouldn't because I am a woman), and his unfaltering belief is what finally made me overcome my emotions and do it (along with my brother and sister).
He just supports -- unwaivering, without question, without doubt, fully flushed with faith, and by my side 100% -- he just supports me, all the time, through any decision.
Leslie -- Leslie and I had dinner last night at Harry's Downtown. It was delicious and we discussed the many facets of our busy artist lives over fresh Mahi with seasoned vegetables and a New Orleans flare. Leslie has applied for an internship with National Geographic, and has heard many positive things from the woman she would be interning with, but hasn't gotten a confirmed 'yes' yet. We're keeping our fingers crossed and her name in our prayers. Everything always comes together, though, it's just a matter of time. I just miss our good-quality, artistic times -- like ceramics. ooooOOOooh aaaAAAaaaahhhhh.
9. Pet peeves and unidentified friends that have stepped ... down.
I have this friend who is being a total flake right now and I don't know what to do about it. I guess nothing. It's just they happen to be one of my good friends and I think it's shitty and terribly discourteous to treat your friends the way this person is treated his/her friends (especially me, considered what I went through when I had a new boyfriend in order to intertwine my friends and the boyfriend's friends so that I could spend time with everyone). BOO THAT. I hate having to be vague, but I'm hoping that without specifying a name or even a sex, this friend of mine will have enough conscience that they'll feel guilty and know I'm talking about him/her. Basically this person is so infatuated, he/she is ignoring some of their closest friends and that, my friends, is super-shittastic, if you ask me. Frick, now I'm upset. Let's talk about something else.
10. Summer Plans.
Ah yes, it's summer time! And boy have I got plans.
Here are some of the things I want to experience this summer:
1. Busch Gardens (x ∞)
2. The beach one weekend, maybe more depending on the heat.
3. Ravine Gardens with my doggies.
4. Ravine Gardens with my bikes.
5. The Kickstand for an Art Show on May 30th
6. Horseback riding.
7. Saint Augustine or Cedar Key, or both.
8. Pensacola (solo) to spend time with Patrick and Trevor.
9. June 19th, Ska show, HOB.
10. Other various concerts.
11. Mudding with Gary as soon as we get rain.
12. Other adventures with Gary, like spelunking and canoing and traipsing through the forest.
13. The weekend of July 12 is SI's 4th of July celebration and I want to go incredibly bad...
Comments
Love you.
I'm so sorry to head you've had to deal with those two blows so close to each orther. You are a really strong lady.
If you evvvvver need anything (even if it is just to talk! i like talking!) call me or find me on the AIMer.