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Something's been eating at me.

I kept telling myself I wouldn't say anything about this, I wouldn't bitch, and I wouldn't let it get to me. But I recently went against my typical rule of thumb and it got me absolutely no where -- nothing, not even real gratitude. I went out of my way by miles to do something incredibly kind for someone and (not that I was seeking something in return) didn't even so much as get real thank you.

I made cards for someone, I won't say who, before I left for New Hampshire. I made 4 actually. And for anyone who knows, me making four cards is about equivalent to a day's work. Also for those of you who don't know, my cards are very personal. VERY, very personal. I've never made a card for a person I didn't know personally and I've never made a card with the intent of giving it to someone for them to fill out and then give to someone else.

The cards I make, the work I put into making them, is solely generated by my love for the person I'm making them for. And each card is individual; just like the people they are for. I've never made the same card twice -- not even when I make 30 cards at Christmas time. But I received a request from someone I care about very much to make two cards for two people (four people, actually) that I hadn't met and hadn't even heard of before. And because I care for this person so much, I made those cards. And because this person's birthday was nearing, I made a card for them as well. And because someone else at the same house is also very dear to me, I made them a card without occasion.

So all in all, I made four cards -- four individual, completely unique, never-see-before, never-to-be-seen-again cards. And because I was going out of town within a matter of days, I mailed the cards (shipping for a bubble/safe package is not super expensive, but still costs) so the person who requested the two cards would have them in a timely manner. When I arrived in New Hampshire, I got a phone call from a third somebody that, after I asked, mentioned that the person who requested the cards received them and said ...

"they weren't like the cards she usually makes."

Beyond me being mad at myself for doing something I knew I shouldn't (because Alison M. Scott cards should only ever come from Alison M. Scott), it hurt my feelings that someone who typically raves over cards never intended for him/her to see, would feel so ridiculously unmoved by the fact that I stopped everything I was doing in preparation of getting ready to leave (include four assignments with deadlines) to make cards for people I didn't even know existed, to be given to those people by someone other than myself.

What I realize in feeling this way, is that no matter how much this person urges me to commercialize my cards, I never will. And I certainly never, ever will go out of my way to make cards so that someone else doesn't have to put that effort in.

Honest to goodness, I've never felt so unappreciated. It really sucks. I guess I learned my lesson: it is actually possible to be too kind.

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