never fully-clothed or intentionally misinforming

It's delightfully official. I am one of the many women absolutely gaga for Mr. Dirty Jobs, himself, Mike Rowe. That's what this whole blog is dedicated to: my confirmation that, should Mr. Rowe walk into my life and demand I love him until the end of time, I would with only two stipulations: 1) he must always talk to me with the same voice he uses on Dirty Jobs and 2) he can never wear a shirt.

From The New York Post's list of 50 comedians' favorite short jokes. 'What in the hell will President Bush's library even have in it, as it's common knowledge he basically lived by the mantra, "Say No to Literature." I figure it'll be like walking in there and saying, "Wow, look at all these Cliffs Notes!"' - Richard Lewis On a completely unrelated note, the past week has been one of the most mentally taxing weeks of my life. So taxing, I can't even recall the beginning half. I'm just going to break things down into categories. We'll start with work, it's been hellacious. Number one, I love my job more than most people can honestly say they love theirs, and I wouldn't trade working here for any place else I can think of -- except myself! But there is one particular time of year that really stretches me (and all the staff) to the max here at work -- picnic time! Each year Local 222 of the I.B.E.W. has an annual family p...

Today is Earth Day and I think she's sending me a message from within ... my fish tank?? Every morning I do the same pet-related routine: let Olive out the pass-thru window onto the deck and give him food let the girls out the front door give Jasper his morning medicine and make sure his leggies are functioning fully feed the goldfish feed the girls This morning, I did all of that, like usual. Only this time, I noticed there was a visitor in the fish tank that shouldn't, and probably didn't want to, be there. A baby lizard. A baby lizard was clinging helplessly to the side of the fish tank. Half submerged and probably half frozen, my eyes nearly welled with tears as I thought of how long the little guy must have been in there ... and how he got there in the first place! I immediately dropped my keys and my orange juice, dunked my hand in and scooped him to safety. I exam...

Susan came over on Friday night and the family hung out at the house; I love nights like these. Saturday, Susan and I got up early and went to Gainesville to audition for the CBS reality television show, Big Brother 10. We had a few stops to make along the way (one of which was for breakfast) and arrived at the Gainesville CBS studios fairly early and a tater tot food fight ensued. Our appointments were in the 11 o'clock bracket; but according to the first ten or so people in line, there was no such thing as appointments, and we also should have brought out passports and birth certificates. Riiiight. It's all right though, because being in line gave us the opportunity to pick out all the crazies who were auditioning. And that's just what we did. By the time 10 A.M. rolled around, we knew who had what strategies, who would portray which personalities, and so on. It was, at the least, entertaining. When the lady in charge came out and said anyone with an appointment would be...

You Are a Comma You are open minded and extremely optimistic. You enjoy almost all facets of life. You can find the good in almost anything. You keep yourself busy with tons of friends, activities, and interests. You find it hard to turn down an opportunity, even if you are pressed for time. Your friends find you fascinating, charming, and easy to talk to. (But with so many competing interests, you friends do feel like you hardly have time for them.) You excel in: Inspiring people You get along best with: The Question Mark What Punctuation Mark Are You?

Apparently the vet thinks if he suggests the idea of surgery every single time he sees me, I'll eventually cave. But I won't. Jasper is so old; putting him through surgery would be ridiculous. I can't fathom having to watch him come through the recovery from a cancer surgery at his age (if he came through the surgery itself at all). He's got to be like 90 in people years. It's just illogical. And the vet continues to push the issue, as if he hasn't heard me all these times politely tell him "I'm not going to put Jasper through a surgery that you and I both know wouldn't be the only surgery he'd require." Just to fill you in, if you're not familiar with Jasper, which you're probably not. He has a tumor (who knows what kind) pressing on his pancreas and causing him to create more insulin than he needs, thus causing him to have dangerously low blood sugars. Today the doc said somewhere around 120 would be nice to see. Today the doc als...

I was playing 20Q with a friend of mine today and I asked him, if he were a pirate, what would he want his name to be. His answer (which too merely seconds to think up): Woodley, the Plunderer. How ridiculously hilarious! I wish I was that quick with my wit. For curiosity's sake, he asked what mine would be and I honestly couldn't think of one. So I Googled pirate name generators and found these: Alison: Giant Blair Blythe Alison Meredith: Pirate Gertrude, the Off-White Alison Scott: Saggin' Jowls Mae Clementine: Cap'n Bianca Slashface Plain Ol' Alison: Pirate Helga, the Fashionably Late Meredith: Cap'n Nadine Bloodbeard Brigitte (this was my name in French class, because Alison didn't translate): Sea Monkey Jezabel Honest to goodness, if my real name was Cap'n Nadine Bloodbeard, I'd shoot myself. No lie. Want to try yours? Here.

1. Just bought my ticket (and Susan's) to the Less Than Jake, Suburban Legends, Mustard Plug show and am totally stoked! It's not until June 19th, which seems like eons from today -- in reality it's about two months ... and, though it's not eons, that's a long freaking time to wait for a show! 2. WheresGeorge.com is a neat-o website that enables people to track where their monetary bills have been. I got a brand spanking new ten dollar bill in change yesterday and it had the where's George stamp on it. So I looked it up and found out that ... on the 15th of last month, this bill was cozied up in a town called Montevideo, Minnesota! So, in one month, the bill has managed to travel 1, 314 miles. How fascinating! 3. I took a nap when I got home yesterday, from about 6 to 8 P.M. On Sunday night I stayed up way later than I should have (nearly 1 A.M.) and thus was ridiculously tired during the entire day yesterday. So I woke up, ate dinner, did a few sudokus, checked...

Manic Monday! I don't want to be at work today. Nothing against my job or anything, but work sucks today. I'm sure it's because I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, but what can I do about that now? As much as I wish I could, I can't re-sleep, re-wake, and start all over. And even if I could... most likely the reason I woke on the wrong side of the bed would still be present. See, I bought a new alarm clock (speaking of which ... Laura, I might have something you might be interested in, see picture.), one that's also a port for my iPod, and this morning was the first time I witnessed it's alarm. And ... HOLY SHIT, man! It's like a goddamn firetruck is running through my bedroom. I guess now I see why it was the cheapest one on Amazon.com... oi vay. This is going to be a chronic love/hate relationship, let me tell you. I'm already not a morning person and now, to have this hellish siren blaring louder and louder the longer it goes on, right next to my...

I had a date on Saturday. First first date I've had in a very long time. It felt really nice. Sitting across from him at dinner, I felt chemistry. I mean, real fireworks and love-connections. It was neat to feel that way again. I know it seems funny, but every time I looked up and saw him gazing at me, his eyes would dart away as if he'd been caught. Busted. Had. And I ... well, I just couldn't quit grinning about the whole thing. But when I say the sparks flew, I mean boy did they fly ! We were laughing and enjoying each other, we held hands across the table. It was all so very romantic. He kept telling me how beautiful I looked. I was comfortable, in a great mood, and very pleased with the romantic setting of his restaurant of choice. It was definitely a nice change from what I've been recently experiencing. I don't like bickering and it easily annoys me, and lately it seems as if that's all I could do. Saturday night's date was a complete 180 from what I...

There are things happening... Being that it's summer time, and the living is eaaaaasy, I feel like going on adventures. Anyone interested in joining me? It all starts thanks to Susan. April 19th , she and I are going to the closed casting call for Big Brother 10. I started filling out my 12 page (that's right, TWELVE pages) application today on my lunch break. How ridiculous .... ly awesome! We're hooked on that show; we have been for nine straight seasons so far. And how cool would it be if we got picked as a secret sister team? I mean ... honestly, we don't look much alike at all. It could work! So ... we're trying out. If nothing else, it'll be cool to say we've done it. On April 26th , I'm driving to South Florida for the weekend with my co-workers. It's our Annual Picnic. And like usual, I am looking forward to it, but not as much this year as years past. We'll see, I'm just not expecting it to be as awesome this year. What I like most a...

I kept telling myself I wouldn't say anything about this, I wouldn't bitch, and I wouldn't let it get to me. But I recently went against my typical rule of thumb and it got me absolutely no where -- nothing, not even real gratitude. I went out of my way by miles to do something incredibly kind for someone and (not that I was seeking something in return) didn't even so much as get real thank you. I made cards for someone, I won't say who, before I left for New Hampshire. I made 4 actually. And for anyone who knows, me making four cards is about equivalent to a day's work. Also for those of you who don't know, my cards are very personal. VERY, very personal. I've never made a card for a person I didn't know personally and I've never made a card with the intent of giving it to someone for them to fill out and then give to someone else. The cards I make, the work I put into making them, is solely generated by my love for the person I'm maki...

An update (excluding my recent endeavor to the 'Shire): My attitude toward my weight-loss (or lack there of), much UNlike my weight, fluctuates from day to day. Most days I'm perfectly fine with being a little on the chunky side. But then there are other days that I absolutely HATE that I'm not losing any pounds. But I can't really hate that hard, because I'm not trying that hard. JM brought cookies over and they barely made it through the night. I HATE cookies. Speaking of JM, he came over on Saturday afternoon to spend time with me and my family. My parents hadn't seen him since last August-ish. Even though we're just friends, I still feel like that's a really ridiculous amount of time to not see my family. I had such a fun time when he came over. I love watching he and my dad talk. They are quick; they get along incredibly well. My dad enjoys his company and I can tell. Now, if only JM were a little more handy around the garage. haha. I liked si...