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March 23, 2019

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There was this girl …
She was born into this world to change it. And she did.
As evidenced by every individual who has reached out to our family already, everyone who has written their own testament to her legacy, and all those who undoubtedly will, she did it. Susan changed the world.
My whole life I have marveled at her strength, longing so deeply to possess it myself. I studied her patience, her perseverance, her optimism - and yet, after 34 years of close, intense observation, I still haven’t found the source. But in all those years and the adventures they held, I did discover the depth of my sister - so full of love, radiant with light, so accepting, funny beyond measure, so joyful, and so unapologetically herself.
Right now I have so much anger - there’s just this visceral rage inside me. But it comes in waves and it’s fleeting. The feeling that is steady and sure - the base of all this grief of mine - is peace. I have such peace in knowing that, in spite of her obstacles, Susan lived a remarkably full and wondrous life. And then, there’s also this pride and gratitude in my heart because she was my sister and that's a gift only one other person on the entire planet is lucky enough to know.
I keep thinking I should have more to say, but I don’t have any more words just yet. I’m just very lost without her here. If I’m being perfectly honest, I think we all might be a little bit lost without her.
I love you, Sooz. And I’ll see you on the other side of all this.
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