You know, I bought a house in June of last year. I'm a suburbanite now. It's bizarre - I live in a country club, which is NOTHING like what I thought I'd do. And, almost a year in, I'm starting to get a little nervous it wasn't the right move for me.
Fairly regularly I battle with emotions about growing up on the path I'm on. Why am I 28-years-old and still unmarried? Why do I have wild and awesomely accomplishable ideas, share them with friends, then learn that my friends have successfully executed my ideas, while I've anchored myself tightly to the root system in Rainbow Springs? Khuong and Shannon, who moved to NYC on a whim a few years back, just got job offers in LA, so they decided to go. There was a going away party thrown in their honor in NYC and at that party, they successfully pulled off the surprise wedding idea JM and I shared with them last year when we met up for lunch while they were in town. I'd be completely lying if I said I wasn't 100 % envious of the fact that they do what I dream of doing. And pretty significantly resentful of the fact that JM and I have not gotten married.
The problem is, I can't decide what I want more from life -- traveling the country, and ultimately the world, partying with new and old friends and doing whatever I feel is going to bring me happiness in that moment, or settling down in a house, with a hammock, living, vacuuming, gardening, and having babies. Truthfully, I'm not sure I can pick one over the other. And, in the interest of full disclosure, I did intentionally make the latter sound less appealing. That wasn't fair. There is much to love about the path I am currently on. Stability, for one.
But why do I have feel like I'm in a rut. A serious one? Probably has something to do with not being able to recall my last real adventure. Was it the Grand Canyon? If it was, dear God, it's been too long. If it wasn't, what the hell was it then? I don't know; some days I feel so lost. I work, I work out, I spend my days off cleaning house and gardening. It's nice and all, but it's not all I want to do with my life.
I've yet to find a formula that makes it possible for me to travel with JM, own our own home, see the places we want to see and also raise a family. I mean, can that even be done?
Just for fun, we took all the romance out of future planning. We decided we need to be married before the end of the year, so that we can have babies before my eggs dry up and get dysfunctional. But somewhere between marriage and babies, we need to travel to Europe (hello Austria). We also decided that, even if we can't pull off a surprise wedding (the mere mention of it publicly makes it highly unlikely) we still want something incredibly small - like 20 people - maybe at our house or at the park here? It's pretty damn beautiful around these parts.
JM is in the running for a potentially sweet job that, if all goes well, could mean the difference between having to wait another year for an engagement and a wedding to possibly just a few months - we'll see. There are so many good things that could come out of this job offer he's gotten. Best case scenario, he makes enough money we are debt free, living exactly how we'd like (which is still pretty modest), and whatever income I have can be put purely toward savings (which would actually mean more traveling and such). That'd be pretty damn awesome. If that happens, who knows - maybe I could have my globe-trotter cake and eat the suburbanite frosting too.
Until then, I sleep, because this worker bee has errands tomorrow.
Fairly regularly I battle with emotions about growing up on the path I'm on. Why am I 28-years-old and still unmarried? Why do I have wild and awesomely accomplishable ideas, share them with friends, then learn that my friends have successfully executed my ideas, while I've anchored myself tightly to the root system in Rainbow Springs? Khuong and Shannon, who moved to NYC on a whim a few years back, just got job offers in LA, so they decided to go. There was a going away party thrown in their honor in NYC and at that party, they successfully pulled off the surprise wedding idea JM and I shared with them last year when we met up for lunch while they were in town. I'd be completely lying if I said I wasn't 100 % envious of the fact that they do what I dream of doing. And pretty significantly resentful of the fact that JM and I have not gotten married.
The problem is, I can't decide what I want more from life -- traveling the country, and ultimately the world, partying with new and old friends and doing whatever I feel is going to bring me happiness in that moment, or settling down in a house, with a hammock, living, vacuuming, gardening, and having babies. Truthfully, I'm not sure I can pick one over the other. And, in the interest of full disclosure, I did intentionally make the latter sound less appealing. That wasn't fair. There is much to love about the path I am currently on. Stability, for one.
But why do I have feel like I'm in a rut. A serious one? Probably has something to do with not being able to recall my last real adventure. Was it the Grand Canyon? If it was, dear God, it's been too long. If it wasn't, what the hell was it then? I don't know; some days I feel so lost. I work, I work out, I spend my days off cleaning house and gardening. It's nice and all, but it's not all I want to do with my life.
I've yet to find a formula that makes it possible for me to travel with JM, own our own home, see the places we want to see and also raise a family. I mean, can that even be done?
Just for fun, we took all the romance out of future planning. We decided we need to be married before the end of the year, so that we can have babies before my eggs dry up and get dysfunctional. But somewhere between marriage and babies, we need to travel to Europe (hello Austria). We also decided that, even if we can't pull off a surprise wedding (the mere mention of it publicly makes it highly unlikely) we still want something incredibly small - like 20 people - maybe at our house or at the park here? It's pretty damn beautiful around these parts.
JM is in the running for a potentially sweet job that, if all goes well, could mean the difference between having to wait another year for an engagement and a wedding to possibly just a few months - we'll see. There are so many good things that could come out of this job offer he's gotten. Best case scenario, he makes enough money we are debt free, living exactly how we'd like (which is still pretty modest), and whatever income I have can be put purely toward savings (which would actually mean more traveling and such). That'd be pretty damn awesome. If that happens, who knows - maybe I could have my globe-trotter cake and eat the suburbanite frosting too.
Until then, I sleep, because this worker bee has errands tomorrow.
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