What do I know about love?

Often times I find I'm doling out relationship advice and I just have to stop and laugh at myself. I'm not sure how I came to be in a position to give advice -- Jon-Michael is my first authentic boyfriend (and second and third, humorously enough) -- but if I'm being helpful, I don't mind.

I think my insight may have come from watching many relationships develop and or deteriorate as I grew up. I remember being the only girl in my group of friends in middle and high school who didn't date someone (and I just don't count James Todd these days). That, combined with being a shoulder to a lot of people, really helped me to assemble quite the cabinet of relationship knowledge before I ever stepped into that stage of life myself.

And it certainly helps that my parents have been happily married for 30+ years now. There's not many better examples of sustaining a happy, healthy relationship than the example of my mom and dad. And believe me, I've analyzed the dickens out of their lives.

But all the relationship knowledge in the world doesn't hold a candle to having my own. It's like baby-sitting, just because you can watch someone else's kid for three hours while the parents go out for dinner doesn't mean you're capable of raising your own.

I have all the same struggles as everyone else does: I go through all the same motions, all the same fights, all the same fears [these are the woes]. And I also have all the same wonderful feelings [these are the whoas]. The difference is apparently I can often predict all the possible outcomes of all those motions, fights, and fears.

And if you've ever found yourself hearing my relationship advice more than once, chances are you heard nearly the same thing twice. The core of the advice anyone will get from me is that you cannot be happy with someone else until you're happy with yourself.

Once you've accomplished your own personal happiness, attracting a mate is the easy part.

I suppose before I go any further I should say there's nothing wrong with dating someone without intentions of having a serious future, that's not what I'm talking about here. If you want to casually date - go for it, that doesn't really take much advice.

I'm talking about finding your soul mate, your other half, the yin to your yang, the cheese to your macaroni, your Jon-Michael Soracchi.

"Well, I've learned that if you're losing yourself trying to make someone you think you are in love with happy, then it's not the right love. The right love doesn't let you lose yourself."
-- Me (to Ryan).

But if you don't even know yourself, how do you know if you're losing you or not? How do you accomplish your own personal happiness?

Look into yourself. Indulge all the interests and eccentricities you've always stifled. Try new things, surround yourself with positive people. Be where you want to be – not in the physical as much as the mental.

You'll only find the right person for you when you are really you. Because if you're not being true to who you are, how can you expect someone to recognize who you are and love you for it?

And let me just say, if I am where I think I am in relationship-land, the whoas greatly outweigh the woes.

My advice to you is to keep your eyes open and attempt to be at your best in the physical, mental and emotional states. My friend Peggy wrote as her senior quote, "never walk around with a frown because you don't know who's falling in love with your smile."

And I couldn't think of a better way to phrase it if I tried.