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A New Year's Something or Other...

I'm so burnt out on parties. Isn't that warped of me to say?

I am sick of planning them.

It's New Year's Eve tomorrow and, this is going to come out wrong, but I'd cancel all my plans with friends to curl up on the couch with J.M. and watch Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin on TV if I wouldn't look like a total bitch for it.

It's just that last weekend I got a brutal taste of what it feels like to go unappreciated and that thoroughly burns me. But I'm moving on from that as best I can.

I just don't feel like working for this fiesta at the ONF House. I don't want to put in any effort. But as shitty as this is going to make many of my friends sound, I can't count on them to provide the things any party would need -- like food.

Every time we get together I request that people bring things. No one ever does. Every time we get together the party's at Angela's apartment and her food gets eaten, her drinks are had. And I'm the only one who ever provides any food that doesn't come directly from Angela's pantry.

I can't say enough how much easier it is on everyone involved if the people attending a party would just bring something digestible. I am not wealthy. I can't afford to feed myself every day, much less ten people around a bonfire for New Year's. And neither can Angela.

And I don't know how my friends (only some of them) think I can. The reason we have games nights at Angela's apartment is because no one wants to blow thirty bucks going to dinner and a movie. We get that. Everyone gets that. But sometimes I end up blowing thirty bucks anyway on food for everyone. And I definitely know Angela does -- because people eat straight out of her kitchen. And no, she's not complaining. I am.

I just don't get it.

And this year everyone wants to do something for New Year's and I'm more than excited about that, I even volunteered to have it at my house. But why do I feel like if I don't stock my kitchen with shit for everyone to eat then we'll all go hungry through the celebration? Oh yeah, because no one's ever come through on the food thing before.


meh.


it gets me real pissed off and it makes me wanna say . . . fuck.

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