I found a fantastic new source of visual inspiration here.
I want to change the world and begin with myself.
I saw a woman peacefully protesting yesterday and it truly inspired me, but I haven't written anything still. I'll share her photo tomorrow. Tonight I want to talk about expectations.
Humans. We are expectedly flawed. Might go so far as to say we anticipate failure to a degree. Sure, I expect to lose sometimes -- can't win 'em all, right? Seems like the standards are always set so inconceivably high. Work. Family. Health. Friends. Fitness. Goals. Home. All supposed to be the top priority. It's all so demanding. Life -- it's getting in my way.
I was asked how my day at work today went. Honestly, fantastically. Except for the fact that I had made a mistake last month that was just being addressed. Figures. I've been on a great run lately - really found a nice stride. I work in an industry with demanding referral and sales goals, high administrative requirements, zero tolerance policy for overtime, and tightly regimented federal policies and procedures. I mean -- one toe on the wrong side of a thin line and you may be toast. So I focus. I pay attention to my calendar, my clients, and my computer. I try to know when and where I am in my day at all times, this way nothing sneaks up. But today something did and I got a wag of a finger, a "documented coaching," and a harsh realization that maybe just because I enjoy what I do doesn't mean I need to be doing it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm great at my job and I enjoy it most days. But if the difference between top of my game and disciplinary action is a mistake on a document, any sober-minded soul would be a fool to not reconsider their options.
For the last couple weeks, I've been loving work - been the top performer at my location, an inspiration to my teammates, met several personal best, and have been recognized by my management team and their supervisors as being a rising star for our company. All the while doing the work of my own position, plus that of our second in command who has been on vacation.
Stress. Every person handles it differently - I think I just discovered that I bite my nails when I'm stressed. The last couple weeks they've been gorgeous and manicured and awesome - then I look down tonight as I'm typing this and one is gone. I don't even remember when it happened. That is surely an indicator something in my psyche has pivoted.
I realize we have to work in order to have the money to live (don't get me started on the cancerous cycle of money to live, live for money), but I often get hung up on the idea that humans focus too much on making money and not enough on living with it.
"Alright, I got a bonus at work - I'm going to spend it all on shit I don't need and really won't bring me much happiness or experience." I witness that more than I feel comfortable acknowledging at this point - myself included. Maybe it's a disorder.
I got some extra money, so I bought some flowers for my garden here at the house - after I bought them all, I was left wondering why I didn't put that money into my savings so that I could continue rebuilding the Jeep with my dad. That brings me more happiness than gardening does. Why did I self-sabotage?
That is the great and aching question: why do we self-sabotage?
When life isn't going our way, we aren't happy and we make that annoying clear. But then when things start to fall into place, we prematurely celebrate - often times to our own detriment.
I don't know. I just can't understand why so much is asked of us when even the people asking realize we're only human. I don't understand why we set goals for ourselves, begin to accomplish them, they celebrate by doing something completely counterproductive.
Someone get my a psychologist.
I want to change the world and begin with myself.
I saw a woman peacefully protesting yesterday and it truly inspired me, but I haven't written anything still. I'll share her photo tomorrow. Tonight I want to talk about expectations.
Humans. We are expectedly flawed. Might go so far as to say we anticipate failure to a degree. Sure, I expect to lose sometimes -- can't win 'em all, right? Seems like the standards are always set so inconceivably high. Work. Family. Health. Friends. Fitness. Goals. Home. All supposed to be the top priority. It's all so demanding. Life -- it's getting in my way.
I was asked how my day at work today went. Honestly, fantastically. Except for the fact that I had made a mistake last month that was just being addressed. Figures. I've been on a great run lately - really found a nice stride. I work in an industry with demanding referral and sales goals, high administrative requirements, zero tolerance policy for overtime, and tightly regimented federal policies and procedures. I mean -- one toe on the wrong side of a thin line and you may be toast. So I focus. I pay attention to my calendar, my clients, and my computer. I try to know when and where I am in my day at all times, this way nothing sneaks up. But today something did and I got a wag of a finger, a "documented coaching," and a harsh realization that maybe just because I enjoy what I do doesn't mean I need to be doing it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm great at my job and I enjoy it most days. But if the difference between top of my game and disciplinary action is a mistake on a document, any sober-minded soul would be a fool to not reconsider their options.
For the last couple weeks, I've been loving work - been the top performer at my location, an inspiration to my teammates, met several personal best, and have been recognized by my management team and their supervisors as being a rising star for our company. All the while doing the work of my own position, plus that of our second in command who has been on vacation.
Stress. Every person handles it differently - I think I just discovered that I bite my nails when I'm stressed. The last couple weeks they've been gorgeous and manicured and awesome - then I look down tonight as I'm typing this and one is gone. I don't even remember when it happened. That is surely an indicator something in my psyche has pivoted.
I realize we have to work in order to have the money to live (don't get me started on the cancerous cycle of money to live, live for money), but I often get hung up on the idea that humans focus too much on making money and not enough on living with it.
"Alright, I got a bonus at work - I'm going to spend it all on shit I don't need and really won't bring me much happiness or experience." I witness that more than I feel comfortable acknowledging at this point - myself included. Maybe it's a disorder.
I got some extra money, so I bought some flowers for my garden here at the house - after I bought them all, I was left wondering why I didn't put that money into my savings so that I could continue rebuilding the Jeep with my dad. That brings me more happiness than gardening does. Why did I self-sabotage?
That is the great and aching question: why do we self-sabotage?
When life isn't going our way, we aren't happy and we make that annoying clear. But then when things start to fall into place, we prematurely celebrate - often times to our own detriment.
I don't know. I just can't understand why so much is asked of us when even the people asking realize we're only human. I don't understand why we set goals for ourselves, begin to accomplish them, they celebrate by doing something completely counterproductive.
Someone get my a psychologist.
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