Apryl and I were talking this afternoon and we got on the topic of names and how some people's parents must be a little on the sadistic side (that last part is from me).
It all started because she wondered what the initials JCFS stood for in my status message. My telling her opened up an entire conversation's worth of banter about names.
Some people have been graced with names like Jonathan Christopher Francis Samonas, which is long and quite the mouthful, but flows quite eloquently at the same time (I think it has something to do with the syllables). Meanwhile, other folks have been tormented all their lives long with names like Sal (Salvatore) Manella.
It got us thinking ... what other crazy names exist in this world?
We know celebrities like to give their kids identifiable names. For instance, Apple Martin (of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin), Pilot Inspektor (of Jason Lee), Coco (like the gorilla? of Courtney Cox and David Arquette), Sage Moonblood (of Sylvester Stallone), Prince Michael II/Blanket (of the completely sane Michael Jackson), Audio Science (of Shannon Sossamon), Moon Unit, Dweezil and Diva Thin Muffin (all of Frank Zappa, might he have been on drugs?), Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q (of Bono -- U2), Tu Morrow (of Rob Morrow, from tv), and Jermajesty (of Jermaine Jackson). (sources: one and two)
But what about the kids who don't have celebrity as an excuse for a ridiculous name?
Just ask Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii, a nine-year-old New Zealand native who was recently awarded the right to change her name by a judge.
"The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgment which this child's parents have shown in choosing this name," Judge Murfitt wrote. "It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily." (source: three)
We did some more research and what we found will astound you and hopefully give you a little bit of a chuckle.
How about these folks, I guess product placement was their biggest concern when they determined the future of their children.
1. Dell Broland (who ironically works at a Best Buy . . . dude, you're getting a Dell.)
2. Clark Bar (I wonder if he's addicted to them?)
3. Howard Doorman Johnson (sorry, but I'm certain HoJo's do not have doormen . . .)
4. Campbell Soup (apparently not a hoax. He's a bus driver, who has to wear a name tag)
5. Dom Perignon Champagne (he sounds high class)
6. Miller Lyte (probably slightly less classy than Dom, up there.)
And apparently these guys and gals had parents who just wanted to see what they could get away with.
1. Cole Durkee (cold turkey?)
2. Thor Luther (sore loser with a lisp?)
3. Yourhighness (who goes by Hiney . . . )
4. Stan Francisco
5. Rusty Hook
6. Rhoda Dyck (wow)
7. Polly Esther (polyester?)
8. Euthanasia (!!)
9. Nimrod Funk (who shares a story about little league baseball as a kid: as all the teams were coming into the field the announcer said" We have this year 10 Johnnies, eight Billies, six Davids, four Bobbies, two Rickies, and one.... Nimrod!)
10. Sue Baru (they better own at least one . . . and the company better have given it to them as a thank you for advertising for life.)
11. Revolutionary Hope, daughter of the one and only Pegasus (geesh).
12. RaeMe Do (doe ray me fa so la tee?)
13. Mohan Shitoot (poor, poor soul)
14. Allison Wunderland (not at all surprising)
15. John Crapper (redundant?)
16. Rick O'Shea (ricochet?)
17. Holly Cost (sick, just sick)
18.Christopher Whatcha McCallum ("it's that Christopher kid ... Christopher, Christopher .... uhm, Christopher whatcha-ma-call-him")
19. Robin Banks (I bet he has a hard time opening a checking account)
20. Adam Baum (sounds dangerous)
21. Eugene Pool (as in Gene Pool, crafty parents.)
(sources: four)
And according to the fifth source (see below), here's a list of ridiculous names and how many are on file at the Social Security Administration.
Atom (11)
Adonis (244)
Cannon (117)
Canon (49)
Casanova (6)
Cashmere (6)
Famous (6)
Legend (30)
Morpheus (5)
Neo (113)
Sincere (187)
Starsky (6)
Timberland (6)
Truth (10)
Ventura (17)
Wisdom (16)
I have to wonder whether some of these kids are set up for disaster. I mean, how long is it before Truth tells a lie or Whisper lets out a scream?
I just don't think it's fair to declare your child a Legend before they've even open their eyes or Casanova before he's past the 'girls are gross' stage of life. That's a lot to live up to. But man oh man is it funny as all get out!
(source: five)
It all started because she wondered what the initials JCFS stood for in my status message. My telling her opened up an entire conversation's worth of banter about names.
Some people have been graced with names like Jonathan Christopher Francis Samonas, which is long and quite the mouthful, but flows quite eloquently at the same time (I think it has something to do with the syllables). Meanwhile, other folks have been tormented all their lives long with names like Sal (Salvatore) Manella.
It got us thinking ... what other crazy names exist in this world?
We know celebrities like to give their kids identifiable names. For instance, Apple Martin (of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin), Pilot Inspektor (of Jason Lee), Coco (like the gorilla? of Courtney Cox and David Arquette), Sage Moonblood (of Sylvester Stallone), Prince Michael II/Blanket (of the completely sane Michael Jackson), Audio Science (of Shannon Sossamon), Moon Unit, Dweezil and Diva Thin Muffin (all of Frank Zappa, might he have been on drugs?), Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q (of Bono -- U2), Tu Morrow (of Rob Morrow, from tv), and Jermajesty (of Jermaine Jackson). (sources: one and two)
But what about the kids who don't have celebrity as an excuse for a ridiculous name?
Just ask Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii, a nine-year-old New Zealand native who was recently awarded the right to change her name by a judge.
"The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgment which this child's parents have shown in choosing this name," Judge Murfitt wrote. "It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily." (source: three)
We did some more research and what we found will astound you and hopefully give you a little bit of a chuckle.
How about these folks, I guess product placement was their biggest concern when they determined the future of their children.
1. Dell Broland (who ironically works at a Best Buy . . . dude, you're getting a Dell.)
2. Clark Bar (I wonder if he's addicted to them?)
3. Howard Doorman Johnson (sorry, but I'm certain HoJo's do not have doormen . . .)
4. Campbell Soup (apparently not a hoax. He's a bus driver, who has to wear a name tag)
5. Dom Perignon Champagne (he sounds high class)
6. Miller Lyte (probably slightly less classy than Dom, up there.)
And apparently these guys and gals had parents who just wanted to see what they could get away with.
1. Cole Durkee (cold turkey?)
2. Thor Luther (sore loser with a lisp?)
3. Yourhighness (who goes by Hiney . . . )
4. Stan Francisco
5. Rusty Hook
6. Rhoda Dyck (wow)
7. Polly Esther (polyester?)
8. Euthanasia (!!)
9. Nimrod Funk (who shares a story about little league baseball as a kid: as all the teams were coming into the field the announcer said" We have this year 10 Johnnies, eight Billies, six Davids, four Bobbies, two Rickies, and one.... Nimrod!)
10. Sue Baru (they better own at least one . . . and the company better have given it to them as a thank you for advertising for life.)
11. Revolutionary Hope, daughter of the one and only Pegasus (geesh).
12. RaeMe Do (doe ray me fa so la tee?)
13. Mohan Shitoot (poor, poor soul)
14. Allison Wunderland (not at all surprising)
15. John Crapper (redundant?)
16. Rick O'Shea (ricochet?)
17. Holly Cost (sick, just sick)
18.Christopher Whatcha McCallum ("it's that Christopher kid ... Christopher, Christopher .... uhm, Christopher whatcha-ma-call-him")
19. Robin Banks (I bet he has a hard time opening a checking account)
20. Adam Baum (sounds dangerous)
21. Eugene Pool (as in Gene Pool, crafty parents.)
(sources: four)
And according to the fifth source (see below), here's a list of ridiculous names and how many are on file at the Social Security Administration.
For Girls:
Armani (298)
Chianti (9)
Dung (5)
Reality (16)
Sincere (54)
Sunshine (93)
Unique (24)
Vanity (35)
Whisper (29)
Sparkle (23)
Special (11)
For Boys:
Atom (11)
Adonis (244)
Cannon (117)
Canon (49)
Casanova (6)
Cashmere (6)
Famous (6)
Legend (30)
Morpheus (5)
Neo (113)
Sincere (187)
Starsky (6)
Timberland (6)
Truth (10)
Ventura (17)
Wisdom (16)
I have to wonder whether some of these kids are set up for disaster. I mean, how long is it before Truth tells a lie or Whisper lets out a scream?
I just don't think it's fair to declare your child a Legend before they've even open their eyes or Casanova before he's past the 'girls are gross' stage of life. That's a lot to live up to. But man oh man is it funny as all get out!
(source: five)
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