I'm beginning to think when I don't do Habitat for Humanity, it negatively affects my life that day and occasionally, the days to follow.
I'm sitting at home on a Sunday morning and I'm overanalyzing the fact that I didn't help build Angelica's home yesterday. It was too cold. I had other things to do. I didn't feel well. I could come up with a myriad of excuses, but the fact still remains -- I did not go.
Every time I don't, something bad happens.
Karmatic retribution? I don't know.
But I think I've been doing things for all the wrong reasons. I think I care too much about what other people will think or do. I think I've lost part of myself in waiting and working for other people's intentions and goals.
Habitat is not that. Habitat is me building homes for friends. I Love building. I love it. It's powerful, educational, inspiring, and uplifting. I do build homes to help others, but the pay off is positive and addictive.
But I can't remember the last time I leapt. I can't recall the last time I did something I'd never done before. And that upsets me. When was the last time I really lived for me? When was the last time I did something and thought to myself 'whatever happens happens?'
Anyway, I'm moving.
Hopefully we're getting the key tomorrow and we can probably start painting soon too. I'm moving to the northern section of Ocala, albeit not my favorite city, but a change I embrace regardless.
I'll be closer to all my friends. My dogs will have a fenced-in yard. Game nights will RULE. The price is right. The distance is not too far from work. And the housemate is a brilliant match.
I've already figured out a quasi-budget, made a list of things I'll be moving to the new house, and started figuring logistics. It's going to be glorious.
For the people who don't know already, this will be the first time I've ever moved. It seems strange, being 23 and never having moved before, but my set-up is golden here. I live by myself and take care of my parents house while they travel, my dogs have six acres to play on, no one ever bothers me, and I have the entire place to myself.
It is golden, and it always will be, but I still want a change. There's nothing wrong with that. And I think this is forward progress for several parts of my life.
I get to re-establish a place for myself -- start with an empty room -- nay, an empty HOUSE. I've had the same room for almost all my 23 years. The wall colors have changed, but the schematics are the very same. I'm eager to move into a brand new home for me. A place I get to define with every item put in it. I love that I get to start from scratch. Even though we're not really moving in until March, I'm eager to start now!
But about now ... I had made plans last night to go out with someone. I was walking out the door (@ 4:30 and on time!) and he called and cancelled -- said he didn't feel like going afterall. As upset as I was (and I doubt he reads this, so I don't mind), some part of me just didn't care. I'm tired of basing my attitudes on the decisions of others. Used to be a time when no one's negativity could bring me down. Nowadays that's harder to accomplish, but it's still possible.
Before I was even off the phone I was taking my jewelry back off and putting my nice coat away. I changed out of my nice clothes and into some sweats and settled back into the idea that I'd be staying home for the night. It's the following afternoon and I haven't heard from him since and it finally doesn't matter.
Lately I've been thinking about how I see people around me doing for themselves and primarily ONLY themselves and I can't wrap my head around how a person could be so self-centered, but what I can see is that being a little bit self-centered is good for your soul.
I woke up today and made myself chocolate chip pancakes. That was selfish. And delicious.
But today I'll put all my laundry away and vacuum the floors and make dinner for my parents when they get home; all that is neither selfish or delicious (well, the making dinner part isn't delicious, but the eating it better be).
It just seems like no matter how much I give, no matter what I involve myself in or what I choose to do with my time or my life, I'm still missing something. And that brings me back to leaping.
As I sit here at my desk (which will only be my desk for three more months... haha), to my left is my cork board and on it is a list of things I'd like to accomplish "this summer" (it's dated 6/12/2007).
When I read over it, I can't help but laugh. In about a year and a half, I think I have only fully accomplished one out of nine of the tasks.
Read Blue Highways, learn Spanish, clean out my room, donate clothes and books to charity, plan and complete the back yard garden, repair my computer and set up a functioning work station, go on an adventure with Gary, and get my camera and all the start-up trimmings.
With the move about to happen, I ought to be able to accomplish the room cleaning and the clothes/books donations. Maybe in the midst of the move I'll be able to finally finish fixing my computer/work station. I still don't know what's stopping me from reading Blue Highways or learning Spanish. I know what keeps me from adventuring with Gary and there isn't much I can do about that right now. The back yard garden seems to only be wanted by me and only wanted by me sometimes, so it should probably just fall by the wayside. And I've gotten my camera and all the start up trimmings, but now I've hit a rut. I don't use it. =/
I'm paying for it monthly, but rarely ever touching it. What happened to that passion? Actually, this brings up a good point (one that should probably go in my 'writings of a woman/child' blog, but oh well). I think I'm going to start the 365 project. It's a photography project where you take one picture every day for, obviously, one year. They don't have to be related, they don't have to be anything mind-blowingly amazing, but you do have to take a picture every day. I think I might try it as my new year's resolution. Seems like an appropriate day to start, right?And if I stick to it, it might be my very first resolution that I actually complete. :)
I think once I finish my actually tasks I'm forcing myself to do today, I'm going to get out a canvas and fucking paint.
So take that.
I'm sitting at home on a Sunday morning and I'm overanalyzing the fact that I didn't help build Angelica's home yesterday. It was too cold. I had other things to do. I didn't feel well. I could come up with a myriad of excuses, but the fact still remains -- I did not go.
Every time I don't, something bad happens.
Karmatic retribution? I don't know.
But I think I've been doing things for all the wrong reasons. I think I care too much about what other people will think or do. I think I've lost part of myself in waiting and working for other people's intentions and goals.
Habitat is not that. Habitat is me building homes for friends. I Love building. I love it. It's powerful, educational, inspiring, and uplifting. I do build homes to help others, but the pay off is positive and addictive.
But I can't remember the last time I leapt. I can't recall the last time I did something I'd never done before. And that upsets me. When was the last time I really lived for me? When was the last time I did something and thought to myself 'whatever happens happens?'
Anyway, I'm moving.
Hopefully we're getting the key tomorrow and we can probably start painting soon too. I'm moving to the northern section of Ocala, albeit not my favorite city, but a change I embrace regardless.
I'll be closer to all my friends. My dogs will have a fenced-in yard. Game nights will RULE. The price is right. The distance is not too far from work. And the housemate is a brilliant match.
I've already figured out a quasi-budget, made a list of things I'll be moving to the new house, and started figuring logistics. It's going to be glorious.
For the people who don't know already, this will be the first time I've ever moved. It seems strange, being 23 and never having moved before, but my set-up is golden here. I live by myself and take care of my parents house while they travel, my dogs have six acres to play on, no one ever bothers me, and I have the entire place to myself.
It is golden, and it always will be, but I still want a change. There's nothing wrong with that. And I think this is forward progress for several parts of my life.
I get to re-establish a place for myself -- start with an empty room -- nay, an empty HOUSE. I've had the same room for almost all my 23 years. The wall colors have changed, but the schematics are the very same. I'm eager to move into a brand new home for me. A place I get to define with every item put in it. I love that I get to start from scratch. Even though we're not really moving in until March, I'm eager to start now!
But about now ... I had made plans last night to go out with someone. I was walking out the door (@ 4:30 and on time!) and he called and cancelled -- said he didn't feel like going afterall. As upset as I was (and I doubt he reads this, so I don't mind), some part of me just didn't care. I'm tired of basing my attitudes on the decisions of others. Used to be a time when no one's negativity could bring me down. Nowadays that's harder to accomplish, but it's still possible.
Before I was even off the phone I was taking my jewelry back off and putting my nice coat away. I changed out of my nice clothes and into some sweats and settled back into the idea that I'd be staying home for the night. It's the following afternoon and I haven't heard from him since and it finally doesn't matter.
Lately I've been thinking about how I see people around me doing for themselves and primarily ONLY themselves and I can't wrap my head around how a person could be so self-centered, but what I can see is that being a little bit self-centered is good for your soul.
I woke up today and made myself chocolate chip pancakes. That was selfish. And delicious.
But today I'll put all my laundry away and vacuum the floors and make dinner for my parents when they get home; all that is neither selfish or delicious (well, the making dinner part isn't delicious, but the eating it better be).
It just seems like no matter how much I give, no matter what I involve myself in or what I choose to do with my time or my life, I'm still missing something. And that brings me back to leaping.
As I sit here at my desk (which will only be my desk for three more months... haha), to my left is my cork board and on it is a list of things I'd like to accomplish "this summer" (it's dated 6/12/2007).
When I read over it, I can't help but laugh. In about a year and a half, I think I have only fully accomplished one out of nine of the tasks.
Read Blue Highways, learn Spanish, clean out my room, donate clothes and books to charity, plan and complete the back yard garden, repair my computer and set up a functioning work station, go on an adventure with Gary, and get my camera and all the start-up trimmings.
With the move about to happen, I ought to be able to accomplish the room cleaning and the clothes/books donations. Maybe in the midst of the move I'll be able to finally finish fixing my computer/work station. I still don't know what's stopping me from reading Blue Highways or learning Spanish. I know what keeps me from adventuring with Gary and there isn't much I can do about that right now. The back yard garden seems to only be wanted by me and only wanted by me sometimes, so it should probably just fall by the wayside. And I've gotten my camera and all the start up trimmings, but now I've hit a rut. I don't use it. =/
I'm paying for it monthly, but rarely ever touching it. What happened to that passion? Actually, this brings up a good point (one that should probably go in my 'writings of a woman/child' blog, but oh well). I think I'm going to start the 365 project. It's a photography project where you take one picture every day for, obviously, one year. They don't have to be related, they don't have to be anything mind-blowingly amazing, but you do have to take a picture every day. I think I might try it as my new year's resolution. Seems like an appropriate day to start, right?And if I stick to it, it might be my very first resolution that I actually complete. :)
I think once I finish my actually tasks I'm forcing myself to do today, I'm going to get out a canvas and fucking paint.
So take that.
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